The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
