her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
