I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
