Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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