problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
