bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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