I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
