the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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