Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
