Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
