guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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