There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
