Do you still have your period?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
