So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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