I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
