judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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