I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Text me some of your sweat
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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