Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
