just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
