I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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