I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
