Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My liver just broke up with me...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
