so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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