Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
