glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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