I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
