Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I will be naked everywhere
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize