with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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