JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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