Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
