Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
