Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
