I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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