Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)