my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
