You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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