She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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