i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
