Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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