Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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