I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
