i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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