I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
