I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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