Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
