needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
