Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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