She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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