i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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