I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
