He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was born a porn star she said
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
