I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
