i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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