i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
