I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
