She said her name was "party"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
