We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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