LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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