I will die if light touches me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize