Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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