I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
