she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is my gift to your gina
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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