tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
