whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
