also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
