So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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