dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
